Saturday, December 31, 2016

How (normal) People Sleep? VS How I Sleep?

First of all I don't have a proper sleep. Most of the people might think that's a cliché. But I don't have a sleep like you. You might sleep alike the normal breed of people but you don't sleep like me. So, I am going to end this year's blogging by bragging about what I am proud of, i.e. "my sleep".

How do normal people sleep?
I have always been jealous of people who have a proper sleep routine. I don't even have a regular alarm on my mobile phone and how could you people sleep in a declared time. Did the doctors do any mistakes while pulling me out of my mom? Or Have I missed any sleeping tips from my parents? How do you guys get to close your eyes as soon as your body hits the bed? These questions always haunted me in my childhood.

So, what actually happens with normal people during their sleep? You are a normal person, you yawn, and you think it's time for bed. You see your declared time for sleep, you got to bed, fall down and boom, you are now in your dreams. It's so easy like that. [Source: Internet] Studies have shown that there are several reasons favoring the perfect timely sleep like, nutrition, light and darkness, brain activity, habit and physical and environmental factors. Proper nutrition included avoiding caffeine, carbohydrate, fluids and drugs (if possible) before bed and eating protein rich snacks hours before going to bed and some fruits too. Sleep was possible in complete darkness and wearing eye mask would even facilitate it, meaning that no mobile interaction from hours before going to bed. Brain activity needs to be zero, your brain needs to be work free before going to sleep. The physical factors included taking a hot shower, wearing socks and maintaining a temperature for the room before sleep. Yes, you need to master in all above things to sleep well. These things itself looked so difficult and only professional and trained people performed it, don’t try this at home. There was no way I was going to do anything about it for my sleep.  

How do I sleep? 
So I as already have claimed that I sleep unusual than you and those of normal people. Actually I am a mixture of both the normal ones and the abnormal ones. Did I brag about myself too much so that you were dragged to read how this guy really sleeps? As I have dragged you till here, why don't you complete the whole article to have a reason to curse me?

December 31st has begun and I still have no signs of going into my dream. I actually tried to sleep before writing this post. I had set my sleep application on for the day. Lights were off and darkness surrounded me in my bed. I was listening to Silk Waves on my “Calm” application. The music was about half an hour long and usually I don't remember turning them off in any of my previous sleeps. It had been a while since I had started using the mobile application to stimulate my sleep. I tried many things to have an early sleep and like every time, today it was okay but the very next day I was back to my insomniac routine. 5th minutes passed, I could not stop my mind to think about random shits, I changed my sleeping position keeping my eyes closed. 10th minute passed, I didn't see any hope in me about having a sleep tonight. I held my eyelids and kept my eyes closed. I took a heavy breathe, it was a bit relaxing one. The music was so soothing, I was flowing into it. It was the 20th minute when I figured out I could not just try sleeping anymore. 

I always had problem regarding my sleep. From my childhood, I was always the last one to sleep even in the family. However my mother said, I used to sleep well when I was in her hands. Might be the mother's touch but as I grew up there was no mother's touch every time I closed my eyes. It was hard for me to sleep at once and the never ending thoughts that arose in my mind kept me busy and denied every bit of sleep. Problem arose in high school when my parents found out the lights in my room were still on till 4 a.m. - 5 a.m. when it was the time they generally wake up. I used to fool them by telling that I forgot to switch off the lights and slept without noticing the lights. I could lie them every single time they came to complain about my habit but I could not run away from the fact that I was literally an insomniac. When I researched about irregular sleeps and found out that people like me are insomniac, I was happy because the term "insomniac" was cool. I felt like, "Hey I am an insomniac, what are you?" Sleeps were even hard to find when there was assignment or exam on the line. I don't know either these things were shaping me up for irregular sleep or I was like that from the beginning.  

Now sometimes, I do sleep early at 10 p.m. I don’t know what triggers me to sleep that early but normally these sleep have the quota till tomorrow’s 10 a.m. I don’t know what happens in between these many hours and what I feel at 10 a.m. is deprived of sleep. I don’t know how my body actually allocates the sleep for me. 

Nothing worked for me, neither eating healthy food nor exercising nor light and nor brain activity. It was hard for me to implement all of those things on a daily routine in my life. So I kept taming my irregular sleep until I ended up late night blogging. Before I started writing, I used to watch movies and series till morning. I still remember completing the trilogy of “Lord of the ring” at a single shot without a pause. Assignments were there to be done at late nights and so were the last minute readings for the exams. It was also amazing to watch every UEFA Champions League game of FC Barcelona late night. Late night chat with loved one never let me sleep before 2 a.m. and the breakup even extended the daily insomniac routine. Everything was perfectly shaping me up for a “Do not sleep campaign”. 

I know now it has become a habit in my life, a very dangerous habit that is so hard to replace with a good early sleep. It won’t be bad to accept that good sleeping habit is much needed for teenagers like me. In a regular 5-6 hours of sleep required, I sleep for 2-3 hours and I don’t know how am I going to compensate for those deprived sleep. I am still working hard to get on track regarding sleep but it is always going to be difficult. Don’t let the situation get worse so that it overtakes the control of our body. Sleep well!!!!

कहानी फेरि उनको।।।

I usually don't write in Nepali but one of my friend suggested to try something. Below is the piece I came up with. It's again not fictional, and might be connecting dots in anyone's life. (Please ignore the mistakes in Nepali language) CHEERS!!!

बाेल्न त त्यही "hi"बाट सुरु भाको हो ।
उनले नि झट्ट reply दिइन ।
खुसी थिये घेरै पछि कोही राम्रीसगँ बोलियो भनेर ।
सुरुमा मजाक गरेर बोल्थ्ये, उनी पनि त्यसरी नै जवाफ फर्काउथिइन।
थाहा नपाइ दुई दिनको मजाक तिन महिनाको मित्रतामा पुग्यो ।
नजिक उनि भइन जब उनले आफनो सारा past मलाई सुनाइन । मख्ख थिये म उनको दिनैपिछेको कुरा सुनेर ।
सायद स्वर नै मिठो हुन पर्छ उनको कुरामा ध्यान जान्थ्येन । झन उनको स्वरमा गितको त के कुरा गरौ म, त्यस मै मस्त हराउने बानी थ्यो मेरो । 
पहिला त राम्री मात्र लाग्थ्यो पछि माया नि पलाउन थालेको रहेछ ।
आफनो माया आफु सगैँ सँगालेर राखे ।
मायालाई मित्रता माथी कहिल्यै आउन दिईन ।
माया त पलाएकै थियो, मैले उनलाई मेरो गमलामा सारिसकेको थिए। सायद उनको गमलामा मैले ठाउँ पाईन ।
 
For people who didn't get a bit of above in this language, I tried to translate it in English. Above writing isn't that good and the translation might not be that good too. 

It started from the usual "hi".
She replied back quick unlikely other girls.
I was happy to talk with someone beautiful.
Our talks always had shitty jokes and random useless things.
The ice breaking usual "hy" was successful to stretch the conversation to 3 months.
She let me in her space when she shared all of her past to me. I was happy listening to her daily.
Her voice must have been so sweet that I didn't even care sometimes what she was talking about for hours.
The songs in her voice sounded even sweeter as I would lost in it every time she sang for me.
I didn't even know how the feelings grew for her inside my heart.
I kept my feelings within myself.
Never let my feelings overtake our sweet friendship.
The feelings grew enormous inside me. I had already started making a space for her in my heart. I guess the space in her was still not vacant. 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Untitled



Your eyes were never congruent with your words,
Your lips were never telling the truth,
Your heart always faked the beats for me,
Yes, you were always lying,

Your hands never mistakenly touched me,
Your ears never tried to listen what I said,
Your legs were always tired to walk,
Yes, you were never comfortable with me,

Your hairs always changed the color like you did,
Your mind always thought of everything except me,
Your soul never wanted mine with it,
Yes, you were always like this,

My eyes always had your image in it,
My lips always called your name,
My heart never beat for anyone else,
Yes, I was always crazy for you,

My hands always wanted to be around you,
My ears always wanted to hear words from you,
My legs wanted to run forever with you,
But no, I never got a chance,

My hairs always wanted to turn white with yours,
My mind was always occupied by you,
My soul had always a place for you,
But you didn’t care about it.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

How I helped my ex get a tattoo!!

T1 is the place where I stay, T2 is my hometown and T3 is the place where she was doing her posting.

I still remember her telling me that she couldn’t keep up with our relationship anymore. After all the quarrels and discussions about still being together, she decided to nail a goodbye note on my forehead one early morning. Her message had made me totally numb. I could do nothing but live with the memories of the cold hearted. I hopelessly tried to reach to her in every possible way but she wouldn't receive my phone calls or reply any of my messages, and had blocked me from every social networking sites. As the days passed by, all the memories from our 8 months long relationship were hitting me to the bones. I could still remember how I had proposed her, and the places we had been on our dates, the gifts we had exchanged, our first kiss and the last goodbye she had bidden me.
It was almost a year since the last time I had a real talk with her. A couple of months went quite rough upon me as I kept looking at her pictures, and stalked her on social media. Rest of the months I learned a lot about love and life, and kept moving on. Suddenly one day on her birthday, I texted her 'Happy Birthday' on the 4th of November just to remind her that I once existed for her but I don't think she gave a rat's ass about me. She just replied 'Thank You' with a smiley. I was continuously gazing over my phone screen if she would text me further but my wait wasn't worth a reply. The next day I started a casual conversation with her hoping that she would start talking to me again, but that didn't happen. Every single time chatting with her was like getting answers to the questions I had asked her. One day I asked her why she had blocked me on Facebook. (I couldn't say that I would just love seeing her photographs if she just were a friend on Facebook.) On the very day, she unblocked me from her profile. I was like so happy and started making stories of my own. I thought she unblocking me might mean that she was single then or might still want me or might be regretting to have lost me. All of them died inside my stupid mind at the moment I saw her boyfriend's comment on her pictures. I wasn’t sure if I should block her again. And from then, days went by looking at her profile and liking her activities on Facebook. Half a year had passed doing all of them, and the remaining half was quite comfortable without any stalking and old bittersweet memories.
 
As I was already back on track in my life, my vacation again brought her in front of me. I was having a 43 days’ vacation after sophomore year at the University. There was a late plan to chill out with buddies so I traveled back home (T2) to spend some time with my family and get into the family business. Dad always encouraged me to get my hands into business as he says, ‘Business is the ultimate future'. Sitting at the office wasn't the fun that I had in my mind. Half of my day would pass with cellphone on my hand and the remaining half seemed like years to pass. One day as I was scrolling through my Facebook, I saw her friend’s post attending a marriage ceremony around my hometown. The post was a week old, so I decided to text her. She was earlier in T2 but then in T3 for two months. Our conversations would be really short as we both were feeling awkward to talk after so long. As time passed by, we started talking more. I called her once or twice and she did too. I was already falling for her again but I knew she was not thinking about "we" this time. However, one day I asked about her relationship status, and knowing that she was single made me a happy child. We would never bring up our past much in between the talks.
(One day)

Me: Hey 🙂
She: How are you doing?
Me: Fine, what about you?
She: I am fine too.
She: Heard you got a tattoo.
Me: Yeah.
She: You never told me, let me have a look.
Me: (sent her a picture) Incomplete tho.
She: Wow that's nice.
Me: I thought you wanted to get inked too.
She: Yes, where did you get yours?
Me: In T1 itself, I could take you. (With a hope to meet her)
She: Sure when I finish my posting here in T3.
(I looked at that message a hundred times, pinched myself and did everything to make that sure I wasn't dreaming.)
Me: Okay 🙂
We kept on talking daily. I asked her to visit T2 on weekends but she couldn't because of her busy schedule. I could not also travel all the way to T3 without making a proper excuse to my parents. So, I waited for two long months to pass as quickly as it can. 
 
She finally came back to T1 after finishing her posting and texted me. We met the next day, and I had already started to fall in love with her again. She looked more beautiful than before. The day just went normal. Later that day, she asked me to get an appointment for her at the ink shop. I called the place where I had got inked before and reserved a date for her first tattoo. After two days, I picked her from her hostel and took her to get inked. I was very happy that I was spending time with her. I didn't even know what she was going to put on her skin until we met in the tattoo shop. It was an infinity sign with Dad and Mom written with it. As she finished the process and came out of the tattoo room, she showed me her hand with the tattoo. She was so happy. She ran towards me. I could feel my heart beating faster as she came nearer with time. She gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. It all happened within a fraction of time and she got no reaction from me. I was standing in front of her like a statue, and she was happy looking at her fresh tattoo.
 
As I approached towards her to give a kiss on her lips, the background turned quite blurry and everything started to fall apart. I realized that she wasn't there at all in front of me. I touched my cheek and tried to feel the remains of her kiss. There she was standing at a distance from me, showing me her tattoo. I smiled at her keeping my hand at that very cheek. I felt so stupid at that time to have dreamt such a wonderful and an unattainable moment.