She...

She is a wanderer, she wanders in my mind everytime,

She does her work in me like a methamphetamine,

She is a badass who doesn’t take shit,

All i could these days is stop, stare and repeat,

She’s everyone’s apple of the eye,

And If I don’t say mine too, it’s a lie,

She likes to wear blue jeans and a white top,

She just exists and my jaw drops,

By profession she saves life and by nature she’s a killer,

Doesn’t have to wear a white dress, she’s already a healer,

She’s really a dream girl, way high in the league,

For me she’ll always be a person who’s intrigue.

Sleepless night

Stars have gone,

The moon has left,

Who took the darkness, is it theft?

The sun is at its work,

The birds are about to shout,

It’s again the never ending sleep drought,

The dogs are barking,

The birds are singing,

People are getting ready for their another challenge,

But I am still stuck in yesterday’s trouble,

I don’t know if my tomorrow is going to start,

The insomnia of yesterday is making me fall apart,

Half of the day has passed,

Everyone is working hard to get the green,

I rub my eyes in the bed and remain unproductive,

The sun is trying to enter the room,

But the curtains are still on,

I sit down and wander about my sleep that’s long gone,

Slowly it hits the dusk,

I am already behind in the race with world,

People are about to eat and sleep now,

But I am at my dawn,

They sleep and I start my day,

Now the cycle repeats the same as usual,

I think sleeping late has become my ritual.

Meaningless LIFE

I feel like the most unwanted and loved child in this world. Since the day I was born, nobody would look at me. I hadn’t thought that even my mom would leave me abandoned. Everyone cried after the day was born. It left me amazed. I mean like who does that? I was their only child at that time in the family and all they did was cry after I came to this world. 

I don’t remember much how I was brought into the house and why I was brought if they didn’t like me being born. The hatred for me in the house started growing. Nobody would put an eye on me or even care what I was doing. I barely remember family members feeding me. I don’t know what I grew up eating. I use to cry every time, not because I was hungry but to pull my family members towards me. I couldn’t understand that there was a baby in the house and nothing would even care a bit. Everyone had something for me as a gift too, but they rather kept it inside the room than giving it to me. I don’t know if they regretted buying that gift for me after they saw me for the first time or was it for the time when I grow old.

A day at home passed, a week had already completed and similarly a month too, but people were still busy ignoring me. From that very day I vowed myself not to be an attention seeker and never to communicate with anyone else but myself. I never tried to look at my reflection because I never had courage to look at myself. Walls were my mirror and my friend. Likewise days were slowly turning into year and still no one would come to me. I didn’t know that the world was so much selfish. I thought if my own family members were behaving in such a manner, what would the world react upon my existence. I was not superficial for my family. I often noticed people in that house looking at the backyard whenever incident about me came out on a talk. I didn’t take that seriously as every time I thought they were talking about me, I only wished they could hold me up and give their love. But the day never came.

I still remember my first birthday. It was a black day for me. Nobody was excited. It was a normal day for everyone. Nobody even looked at me. It was another day of isolation for me. Nobody cared where I was, what I was doing and how happy I was. I waited and waited for a single person to come beside me and greet me, but nobody came. Even if they passed by me, they would act like I didn't exist. There was one woman in the house who looked at my pictured and cried, my mother. I still remember as soon as her eyes got watery she threw away the picture and ran away. I tried to reach my hands towards her and speak but couldn't do. All she did was run outside and locked the room. 

I wasn't sad actually. It already had been 365 days of isolation for me. I wasn’t sad because people were ignoring me. I was amused as people didn't care for me while I was still there among them. I was like dead for them. They were happy with what there were excluding my presence. As I was accompanying myself since no one would do that for me, I heard my dad entering house. He wasn't alone. I saw a boy with him. I could never forget that face as that face was brought to take over my place in the family. He was my brother who was adopted from an orphanage. I could not hold anymore, I cried but the tears wouldn't come out. I cried and only I witnessed my sadness. 

I went to the place where I grew up talking with walls and started crying again. As I was crying by my own, I heard something from the window. I heard a woman’s voice loud but unclear. As I went nearby the window I recognized the voice as my mother’s. My mother was at the backyard, looking at some stone circled with beautiful flowers and crying. She kept on staring that stone for quite a long time. I kept on staring at her and wished she would stare back at me. Suddenly she looked at the window, my heart skipped a beat for my mother. She picked a card from the backyard and returned to the house. I kept looking at that stone, but the view from my window wasn’t clear. Suddenly I heard some sound of people coming to my room. I rushed towards the door and waited for someone to open it. The foot step stopped outside the door and there was no movement for a long period of time. I could feel someone’s hand on the door knob as if s/he was going to open it. But they didn’t. A card was pushed in the room through the bottom of the door. The letter said, “Dear child, I don’t consider myself as your mother as I could never give the love other babies get, and never saw you. I wish they saved you instead of me. Happy birthday Son.” I don’t know how to react. Grounds were falling off my feet. I went to the window again and stretched out to see the stone. There was no name but the date, and the date resembled my date of birth/death.

I thought I was alive and people weren't addressing the fact that I was there and left ignored. I never realized, I was not accepting the fact that I was dead a long ago. During my birth, the delivery was extremely complicated. The process would save either my mom or me, and while the medical team was trying to save us both, I died. My body was kept aside and my mother was in coma. Everyone in the family was either crying or staring at my body. I had misunderstood their cry for hatred but it was their sadness to loose me. I had this vision of people coming one by one and peeking at me and saddening their face. All I could do was lie there without life and disappoint every people in the family. It turned out to be my soul watching my family member. They couldn't see me after the day I was born, but I was lucky enough to see them for a whole year. I would really be lucky to have such a family. However I never came to know what a mother's love and family's care would be.

Thank you for going through. Sorry for the mistakes, if any. Feedback is always welcomed.

The "PROMISE RING"

             I met this adorable sweetheart half a year ago. Since she had blown my mind in every possible way, my day started and ended with her. She had already been “THE THING” in my life and I would never let this thing go off, not once.

So, I and my life were in relationship after we expressed our feelings for each other long after we started talking. I couldn’t confess my love for her directly so I conveyed it through my words over my blog. Time passed, we experienced the highs and lows in our relationship but something held us strong against every odds. That was love.

We didn’t actually have a specific date in our relationship. Both of us believed in taking time to enter in relationship, that is why I guess we forgot to mark dates in our relationship. I keep her telling that it’s her love that tripped me to forget all those. She smiles and replies, “Enough being cheesy for the day.” But one day she said, “If we could mark dates in our relationship, we could have our day to celebrate.” But with her I would celebrate everyday in my life marking everyday as equally important in our relationship.

I had this plan to give us a reason to celebrate togetherness every year and make her day special so that she would always remember it even if I wasn’t there. Before getting to her special day, I had written this story about how actually I was going to surprise her on a paper. According to my plan, I would take her to a place and give her the story I had written about the day. I didn’t mention her and mine name in that story and pretended just to be a fiction out of my wish list.

I called her at this place we had visited just couple of days earlier. It was at the 8^th floor, with a perfect view of the busiest street of the town. The place had wonderful interior and a cozy environment. It was all together a perfect kind of place that I would or anyone would ask to surprise their sweetheart.

Last night’s sleep was incomplete with all the excitement and I was already eager form the early sunrise. Finally it was evening and time to surprise my girl. I dressed up in such a way that would make me more of a gentleman. I was already at that place and she arrived 20 minutes later to that. As soon as I had my eyes on her, I couldn’t stop myself from winking and blowing a kiss to her. She smiled at me with a middle finger straight up. I reached towards her and walked holding her hand to the same table we were sitting during our previous visit. And there I was with the girl who has now been one of the important parts in my life.

It was difficult for me to act normal till I surprise her. I was equally nervous, excited, terrified and panicking. I gave a thought, what if my plan backfires, what if she gets angry, what if the setup isn’t good, etc. My “what ifs” were killing me but as I looked at her, her beautiful face provided me all the strength. She is my girl and my girl deserves to be treated special. I gave her the story I had finished the previous day and stood up. I closed my fist and moved towards the counter to give the order.

I looked at the least fit waiter to ask for the favor of surprising my girl. I showed him the ring and asked if he could put it neatly in one of our order. I requested him at my best to make sure that everything goes according to the plan. The waiter was kind enough to assure me with a big smile on his face. As I was about to go to our table, the faces on the background made me more nervous. So I went to the washroom to clear up all my doubts and anxiety. The person that came out of the washroom was completely different me. I found myself bold and confident. Now I had to pretend like nothing is going to happen till the ring arrives. I went to her and started gazing her beauty.

For me her face looked as adorable as the very first day of our date. I looked at that beautiful face and thanked god for letting me love her as much as I can to keep her happy. Time had passed and I was lost at my girl’s face. She would always feel shy when I stared her but for me it was like breathing. How could I stop?

The waiter finally arrived at our table with a big smile and greeted me, “Sir”. I took that plate and noticed the ring. I thanked the waiter and kept the plate before her so that she would notice the ring. She was busy reading the story I had given her. She had the paper that contained the part till I approach the waiter for a favor. She asked me with all of her eagerness what happens after that and how had I planned to surprise that girl in the story. I pulled off my phone to play her favorite Korean song. As the song started she smiled at me like she just fell in love with me. That was the smile I was living for since half of the year. I would literally die for that curve on her lips. It was everything for me. I smiled back to her and pointed to the plate where the ring was. I said her, “I had planned like this to surprise that lucky girl.” She pulled herself back with a shock. She kept on looking at me with a “whaaaat” on her face. All I could do was smile and point her to that ring. She hugged me all of a sudden. That was my moment. I took the ring and put it on her finger. It looked more beautiful on her beautiful little finger. She kept on looking at her finger. I whispered on her ears, “still not beautiful than you”. She gave me a punch on my biceps and said, “I love you”.

We found our love. We found our date for which we could live on in our relationship.

Your K.I.S.S.

It felt like nirvana to me,
The dark soul of mine has been purified,
I feel like normal again,
The feeling of being trapped within myself has dissolved,
The colors have came back again in my life now,
The thirst of pure love has been quenched,
The moment I got the touch i was slayed,
It gave me the warmth that I won't get elsewhere,
It felt like the vibe that touched my soul deep inside,
It felt like everything that could make me feel better,
It was your gift that was so pure,
It was your kiss that was my only cure!!

How (normal) People Sleep? VS How I Sleep?

First of all I don't have a proper sleep. Most of the people might think that's a cliché. But I don't have a sleep like you. You might sleep alike the normal breed of people but you don't sleep like me. So, I am going to end this year's blogging by bragging about what I am proud of, i.e. "my sleep".

How do normal people sleep?
I have always been jealous of people who have a proper sleep routine. I don't even have a regular alarm on my mobile phone and how could you people sleep in a declared time. Did the doctors do any mistakes while pulling me out of my mom? Or Have I missed any sleeping tips from my parents? How do you guys get to close your eyes as soon as your body hits the bed? These questions always haunted me in my childhood.

So, what actually happens with normal people during their sleep? You are a normal person, you yawn, and you think it's time for bed. You see your declared time for sleep, you got to bed, fall down and boom, you are now in your dreams. It's so easy like that. [Source: Internet] Studies have shown that there are several reasons favoring the perfect timely sleep like, nutrition, light and darkness, brain activity, habit and physical and environmental factors. Proper nutrition included avoiding caffeine, carbohydrate, fluids and drugs (if possible) before bed and eating protein rich snacks hours before going to bed and some fruits too. Sleep was possible in complete darkness and wearing eye mask would even facilitate it, meaning that no mobile interaction from hours before going to bed. Brain activity needs to be zero, your brain needs to be work free before going to sleep. The physical factors included taking a hot shower, wearing socks and maintaining a temperature for the room before sleep. Yes, you need to master in all above things to sleep well. These things itself looked so difficult and only professional and trained people performed it, don’t try this at home. There was no way I was going to do anything about it for my sleep.  

How do I sleep? 
So I as already have claimed that I sleep unusual than you and those of normal people. Actually I am a mixture of both the normal ones and the abnormal ones. Did I brag about myself too much so that you were dragged to read how this guy really sleeps? As I have dragged you till here, why don't you complete the whole article to have a reason to curse me?

December 31^st has begun and I still have no signs of going into my dream. I actually tried to sleep before writing this post. I had set my sleep application on for the day. Lights were off and darkness surrounded me in my bed. I was listening to Silk Waves on my “Calm” application. The music was about half an hour long and usually I don't remember turning them off in any of my previous sleeps. It had been a while since I had started using the mobile application to stimulate my sleep. I tried many things to have an early sleep and like every time, today it was okay but the very next day I was back to my insomniac routine. 5^th minutes passed, I could not stop my mind to think about random shits, I changed my sleeping position keeping my eyes closed. 10^th minute passed, I didn't see any hope in me about having a sleep tonight. I held my eyelids and kept my eyes closed. I took a heavy breathe, it was a bit relaxing one. The music was so soothing, I was flowing into it. It was the 20^th minute when I figured out I could not just try sleeping anymore. 

I always had problem regarding my sleep. From my childhood, I was always the last one to sleep even in the family. However my mother said, I used to sleep well when I was in her hands. Might be the mother's touch but as I grew up there was no mother's touch every time I closed my eyes. It was hard for me to sleep at once and the never ending thoughts that arose in my mind kept me busy and denied every bit of sleep. Problem arose in high school when my parents found out the lights in my room were still on till 4 a.m. - 5 a.m. when it was the time they generally wake up. I used to fool them by telling that I forgot to switch off the lights and slept without noticing the lights. I could lie them every single time they came to complain about my habit but I could not run away from the fact that I was literally an insomniac. When I researched about irregular sleeps and found out that people like me are insomniac, I was happy because the term "insomniac" was cool. I felt like, "Hey I am an insomniac, what are you?" Sleeps were even hard to find when there was assignment or exam on the line. I don't know either these things were shaping me up for irregular sleep or I was like that from the beginning.  

Now sometimes, I do sleep early at 10 p.m. I don’t know what triggers me to sleep that early but normally these sleep have the quota till tomorrow’s 10 a.m. I don’t know what happens in between these many hours and what I feel at 10 a.m. is deprived of sleep. I don’t know how my body actually allocates the sleep for me. 

Nothing worked for me, neither eating healthy food nor exercising nor light and nor brain activity. It was hard for me to implement all of those things on a daily routine in my life. So I kept taming my irregular sleep until I ended up late night blogging. Before I started writing, I used to watch movies and series till morning. I still remember completing the trilogy of “Lord of the ring” at a single shot without a pause. Assignments were there to be done at late nights and so were the last minute readings for the exams. It was also amazing to watch every UEFA Champions League game of FC Barcelona late night. Late night chat with loved one never let me sleep before 2 a.m. and the breakup even extended the daily insomniac routine. Everything was perfectly shaping me up for a “Do not sleep campaign”. 

I know now it has become a habit in my life, a very dangerous habit that is so hard to replace with a good early sleep. It won’t be bad to accept that good sleeping habit is much needed for teenagers like me. In a regular 5-6 hours of sleep required, I sleep for 2-3 hours and I don’t know how am I going to compensate for those deprived sleep. I am still working hard to get on track regarding sleep but it is always going to be difficult. Don’t let the situation get worse so that it overtakes the control of our body. Sleep well!!!!